Moan for me like Helen Keller
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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