All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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