Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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