I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
