my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
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Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
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Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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