2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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