Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
