Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
