she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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