Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
