Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
