On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
