I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I have aggressive nipples.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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