We won't sleep together?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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