We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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