Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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