I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
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We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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