he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize