the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
