A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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