Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
