I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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