Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
