I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
