Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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