I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Two words: blizzard sex
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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