Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
