i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
