New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
