Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
