Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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