he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
