Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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