just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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