what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
