I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Still dying that you shit outside
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
