is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
