It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Randomize
