and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
