I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
