How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
