I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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