also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
