My friends, they love my intelligence
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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