Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
