Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
