I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
