I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
