So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
