Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
