Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
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Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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