I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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