I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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