sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
