Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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