so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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