Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
