the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
