Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
