Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize