i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
