I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
