tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
