do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
