Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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